Just that day, my hub came to me, looked into my eyes and said, "You shouldn't be going through this, I'm sorry." I was quite surprised what he had said to me and I just told him that everything is okay and told him not to be silly. So here are the events that led to our conversation that we had that day.
He quit his job in March 2014 to start his own e-commerce business. When he told me about this plan last year, I fully supported him and I told him, "As long as you have made sufficient plans about your finances after you have quit your job to start this, I'll support your venture. And it's the right time to do this as our little one is only 1. Not much $$$ is needed as she does not need to go to school." He was shocked that I gave the nod so willingly as he expected me to say no. He told me to give him a year to try it out. I knew he has always wanted to start his own business and has always been telling me about it during our dating days. He told me he was not afraid to fail. "Even if I have failed, I want to tell our daughter next time that Papa was brave enough to fulfill a dream and you should too." I admired my husband's courage and I feel that men should have that kind of courage to fulfill their dreams and to get out of their comfort zones.
Towards the end of last year, he was calculating how much I will need to pay for the monthly household expenses for 2014. I will have to hold the financial fort for 2014 as he will not be getting any salary. I knew I would be financially tight but luckily, our girl is not going to school yet so it was not that tough. We cut down our expenses, especially when we go out to eat. Dinner at restaurants was reduced and we try to keep our dinner bill to less than $30 or even $20 sometimes when we are out on a date (Thursdays is our dating day). Once in awhile, we would go to the restaurants and have nice meals with better ambience. My hub cut down his expenses a lot. He is more thrifty than me by nature so he really did not buy anything for himself for almost the whole year. We didn't get presents from each other on birthdays and I also did not expect any gifts from him. We would just go to a nice restaurant to celebrate our birthdays and enjoy each other's company and presence.
2014 was a tough year for the both of us. I was extremely busy with work. And I would usually fall asleep with my little one at 9 plus 10 because I would be so exhausted. My hub was always working till 3 am everyday setting up his business. Being your own boss is really not easy and there was just so many things he had to learn. Of course, he made blunders along the way and had to pick himself up to move on. Soon, we communicated less with each other, quarrelled a lot and we thought we should not even have number 2 because we could not even manage ourselves. It came to a point when I told him that there was something wrong with our marriage and we had to do something about it. Towards the third quarter of the year, we managed to work things out and we started to understand what each other is going through.
Why am I so tired? On top of my work, I had to assist him in his e-commerce business in photograph taking, deciding what stuff to sell, packing, labelling, stock-taking. It can take up a lot of time and I do get really really exhausted after helping him. But I tell myself, "If I don't help him, who could?" So sometimes even though I am really tried, I pushed myself to help him to the best of my ability, sometimes till wee hours. And I really lack a lot of sleep because of that.
So just 2 days ago, he told me he was sorry for putting me through these e.g. not being to always go to restaurants to have nice meals. And I know deep down in him, maybe he even thought that he could not take me for a holiday. The most recent place we went is Bangkok but it was more of a business trip for him as he had to source for supplies there. And we walked so much carrying 50 T-shirts and even more stuff around Chaktuchak market. I suffered severe leg pain after the trip. I admit I am sometimes envious of my friends who are able to go to Japan, Hong Kong, Taiwan when I see the their photos on Facebook. But I am still happy with the way things are now. So I just told my hub that I don't need all these. I mean they are good to have and I didn't marry him because of these. I don't need him to buy branded bags for me, Pandora accessories (it's the 'in' thing now right?), take me to Atas restaurants etc. I am happy now because we are communicating well with each other, sharing our feelings and thoughts and spending sufficient time together. Well, I thought this is what marriage supposed to be, isn't it?
As I looked back at our marriage vows that we took when we had our ROM ceremony. There were no material needs stated in our vows. (We simple used the standard one from ROM, we didn't even had time to craft our own.) So I asked my hub what his answer was when he was asked, "Will you, Siew Tuck Wing take this woman Hoi Wan Hua to be your wedded wife, to live together in the legal estate of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and keep her in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, be faithful to her, so long as you both shall live?" He said yes. It was "I will". So I told him not to be disturbed by not giving me the material needs because he has never promised to. There is always a chance in the future if both of us want to give each other gifts. Good communication and understanding between a couple is always far more important than any material gift. (Well, I still told him to at least buy me a card for our wedding anniversary and writing something sweet inside la.)
Well, my hub might think that I am very 委屈 but seriously, I am thankful to him for always doing a lot of the household chores. Now he tells me, "Think of those reality tv shows which the mummies are not at home and the daddies take over to take care of the kids and do the chores, I'll definitely aced them!" He knows the amount of washing powder to add for different volume of clothes, changes the plastic bags in the rubbish bins, clears the fridge of unwanted or expired food, hangs the clothes to dry(although done not in a very good way but I close one eye), ensures there is constant supply of boiled water, reminds me to keep the clothes on the clothes rack after our part-time helper has ironed them etc.
People may think that I am too easily contented with life to the point maybe a bit stupid. Don't want this and that. But seriously, I already have enough (though I hope I stay in a bigger house so I can have a bigger wardrobe for my clothes, and I can earn more money to do my taobao shopping. hahaha). I have my family, an understanding and courageous husband who always talk cock and my little one who has brought us so much joy.
这就是幸福。
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