Anyway, I was talking to my hubby through the phone and for some reason, I was talking about an incident that happened like 5 years ago which I still felt bitter about. 5 YEARS!!! Still trying to detach.... but hard it seems. Because I had no idea or did not understand why it happened. And what the reason was.
Okay, the whole incident happened on the day I was running for some position in a school organisation, let us just call it ABC club. Prior to that, we were supposed to fill up a CV, something like resume, to write down some of our experiences and skills we have which make us suitable to run for that position. Being a super sua koo student who has no idea how to fill up a resume form, just took it that I just had to list down whatever experiences I have that are more or less related to that position. Just to add that there was no clear instructions given on how to fill up that form too. I wrote down everything which was quite a long list.
Well at that time, I was involved in activities outside of the ABC club that were somewhat related to what I do in there. And because I was quite active, many people came to know about me but seriously, I did it out of passion which was singing and writing songs and not because I wanted to be popular. I was happy doing it and I also enjoy singing and writing songs for the ABC club as well.
On that actual day before the election, I was approached by two friends, X and Y (they are also in ABC club), who said that they wanted to talk to me. I couldn't remember exactly what they have said but it was something like "Some people feel that u're a bit too full of yourself because of your activities outside." Basically, they were trying to tell me not to be proud and to check the way I present myself. My heart just sank at that moment. I felt so mistaken!!!! I tried to explain myself but it seemed that it didn't help. We talked for a long long time (think 30 min?) and in the end, I could not control my emotions and my tears just rolled down. Then they got a bit kan cheong and tried to comfort me which did not help at all. The damage was done.
I WAS DEVASTATED. UPSET. FELT REALLY WRONGED TILL NOW.
Well, I believe they came to tell me about this so that I would better prepare my speech and would not show that I am trying to yaya. I have never thought to yaya at all from the start. NEVER AT ALL. What's there to yaya about anyway? As usual, I gave my speech and went through the normal procedure. I was elected. so what? I didn't feel happy at all. Every word of congrats that came to me was meaningless. Still, I didn't want to spoil the happy mood of others and continued pretending to look happy, feel okay and congratulated.
I also found out that the person in charge edited my CV that was pasted around the lecture hall( it was to allow people to know what I've done for the club) and deleted the activities that were not organised within the club. Well, maybe from the CV I have given them, they felt that I was a yaya to list down everything. HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW LA! No clear instructions and they also never inform that they have edited my CV or to tell me that I need not put down everything.
I was so upset that I called my boyfriend then (now hubby liao). He knew something was wrong and came to fetch me in a cab after everything ended. When I started talking to him about it, I started crying... non-stop. Why so? Because I felt so so mistaken! And it seemed that no one in the club understood. To me, it was just my passion and I enjoyed helping out in the club as much as I could. I stayed back at many of the events till 11 pm to help out and reaching home at 12 plus in the morning and the next day, I still had to climb out of my bed and spend another 1.5 hrs going to school. I dare to say that I volunteered unselfishly as I never expected anything in return. I don't even need the CCA points to get me to stay in the hostel coz I don't stay in the hostel. I am not trying to brag that I did a lot. Some members did even more. But there are just some who mistook my intention and got my good friends, X and Y to so-called break the news to me. What's that for??? Don't they have the guts to tell me directly? I was disappointed with ABC club at that point of time.
I continued to serve the club despite all these because I wanted to continue my passion. I can't deny that it was a good learning experience for me. Most of the memories I had from ABC club were wonderful. But that incident was deeply etched in my mind and the bitterness was just covered by some other emotions in my heart temporarily. Whilst talking to my hubby that day about it again, the bitterness just uncovered itself and the feeling was terrible. I was kinda disappointed with myself that I could even let go of something that happened so donkey years ago.
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