A sense of security

I always have a concern about whether I would be able to conceive in the future. Why is this so?? Because I was told that I always have a weak body constitution. So my mother would always make herbal soup to build up my body constitution. She always reminds me that it will really be sad if I can't conceive and have a baby of my own. Whenever I go to the sinseh, she would comment that my feet turns cold easily in an air conditioned room. But my feet feels really cold!!! I kinda believe what the sinseh says and she would give me some advice on the tonics that I can take and other ways to build up my body constitution.

My husband has always been telling me that it's perfectly fine if I really could not conceive but I could never be assured. What's more, one of my relatives, X, once kept saying that it's a pity if woman can't conceive. "女人不能怀孕佷惨的!" Although I told X that my husband didn't mind, she kept repeating herself and said that this is what the husband would normally say but they would want to have children. And not being able to have children is like the end of the world. I was pretty disturbed by that and this was always etched in my mind. Of course, it didn't make me feel better at all.

Just recently, when I was having Shabu Shabu with my husband, we came to talk about this topic. At one moment, he just held my hand, looked into my eyes and said, "Dear, don't worry if you can't conceive in the future. I marry you not for the sake of having children. We can always keep dogs if we don't have children. So please don't worry about it and I want you to know that this is really how I feel." My heart melted when he said that. Then I realised that I really do not have to matter about what others say. I have my husband's support.

Nevertheless, I continue to take tonics once a month and also to make a point to build up my body's constitution. And after talking to my friends and my cousin, Zoey, about it, I felt better and I know that I still stand a chance to have children. I would of course still hope that I am able to conceive one day.